Patience...a virtue I await to achieve

Well...the fact of the matter its been so long since posts shows just how much life can drag you along by the hand and distract you...

Life has definitely moved along.

My road to becoming a teacher is moving both slowly and quickly...in the sense that applications have been sent, interviews have been done...all there is now is the waiting game.

Those who know me...know this is NOT my strong point.

It has been driving me mad.

Day after day my family await my main question of the day..."Any letters?"....

They don't answer any more as they know the one to give me the bad news gets the whining and moaning of, "Where...IS....MY....Letter!!"

Its not the idea that things take time and not everything can fall in my lap when I clap my hands, its the sheer feeling of lack of control that grasps me round the throat. I'm a person that likes to know what's going on. I like change, but if I don't have enough time to plan for the possibilities of sed change it just...scares the shit out of me.

Because you see, the moment I know, either way good or bad, I can just carry on, but its that point in limbo, where you cant plan any further for the possible career you dreamed off, or the plan B, and when it gets to a point where your brain has convinced yourself its not going to happen, you STILL cant do anything because you don't have....Closure.

I await you, closure.

I'm waiting.

Patiently.

Honest.

Dogs don't dance...but they could DJ

How many times have you been told,

"You cant do that because...",

or

"It would be best if you didn't as you might fuck up..."

Sick and tired of it eh? You and me both.

I made a huge decision today. One not taken very lightly.

I chose to move back to my family home with my boyfriend Chris as life had got too expensive in shiny Alton.

After a year of being together with so many hopes for us to start out on our own we already had the, "No, wait a bit longer," or "Are you sure," from both of our families and showed them we could do it...then things got darker, and harder, and now we have to escape before its too late. But even now, admitting (half) defeat our plans to better ourselves are being stepped on.

Things may be hard, for everyone right now, but now isnt the time to quit...

This is not QUITTING.

This is sorting it out, this is doing something.

Doing something is better than sitting back and admitting defeat.

Like being told that you couldn't be a doctor.

Its not impossible.

It would take time, patience, money, hard work and learning but anyone could do it if they try.

Anyone could do ANYTHING is they try.

I'll rephrase this then...

This is us trying.

Surely being in the race and coming fourth is more commendable than coming last.

Right?

Right.